Episode 7: Turn Your Fear of Failure into a Samba of Personal Development (3 shifts to make)
Jenna Slaughter
Embodiment Mentor, Speaker, Heart-Forward Business Coach
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The biggest portal of personal growth is… hands down, deciding to work for yourself. Be it as a physical product or as a serice provider.
Or just deciding to create in general- it’s both our natural setting, who we are at our core before the world told us that our worth is equivalent to our productivity for someone else
Personally, I had more hangups around my coaching becuause it’s “just time and energy, there isn’t an easy ‘materials cost plus profit equation” that I could stand by
It feels uncomfortable asking people for feedback about a new business idea
Or to support your work by sharing with their audience
Or asking to collaborate on something
This discomfort likely comes from one of two deeper drivers from childhood.
1-hyper-independence, youre trying to do it ALL yourself like some badge of honor. And in doing so you’re making it harder on yourself AND potentially not getting your work to the people who would love to receive it but maybe aren’t in your space online yet!
From an attachment wounding standpoint, this could be from learning that ultimately YOU had to meet your own needs because a caregiver wasn’t present or was not responsive to enough of your needs.
Or
2-You’re rejecting yourself first so nobody else can reject you
This could be due to rejection sensitivity which is a symptom of ADHD and is highly underdiagnosed in women.
This could also be from learning that your advanced competencies or your ability to get something the first time was related to your worth as a human. Therefore in your pretty lil brain, failure equals literal worthlessness or death. OF YOUR EGO. Of who you were and or who you are now.
So I’ll ask:
Are you willing to let the past version of you go? Or the present version in order to make space for the future version? Because your dreams come at the price of your ego.
Both of these are ego driven desires to keep you safe.
1- dig into your drivers behind it
Questions for reflection
How did this serve me in the past?
How is this serving me and my work now?
What ways do I need to get out of my own way?
What is my stagnancy costing me?
If I have the ability to help someone and I’m choosing not to, where is this coming from?
Who am I to keep potentially life changing work from the world?
Is it actually a fear of failure and rejection? Because sometimes it’s actually a fear of the potential success and all the change it would bring. (And the fucking terrible part is it can oscillate between the two lmao)
I was talking with a client of mine about asking one of their friends who has a similar audience and serves them in a different way to post on their story about their free workshop coming up.
What if she posts it and like 30 people sign up and Idk how to facilitate that many people and I fall on my face and look like a total fool!!
Or:
What if she posts it and like 50 people sign up and suddenly I have 5 1:1 clients out of it and no time for my 9-5 anymore and I have to rearrange my whole life? The fear of the things we desire BECAUSE of the change.
So 1-, raise awareness of the drivers behind the fear of failure ( or success) and keep checking in with it, because it will ebb and change as you grow because isn’t this human experience FUN 🤩
2-disconnect failure from your worth- instead, failure is just data! In entrepreneurship, we have the term “fail fast” BECAUSE it’s better to not waste time with something that’s not aligned or isn’t gonna be profitable.
What lessons can you take from this? My first launch Completely flopped! And I learned how important it is not to energetically close the cart a few days after opening it just cuz we didn’t have signups; (Chelsea, @thesabotagequeen) i learned that personalizing the lack of replies wasn’t serving me!
Rejection is just redirection, it’s always “this or something better”
-it may also not always be a problem with your offer, it could be a problem with your messaging! Did you take enough time to talk with the people you want to serve or did you just hope you know what will resonate?
Failure means growth and progress. If you aren’t failing, you aren’t progressing. Celebrate your fails! They make you relatable.
3- Foster a kinky relationship with failure by recognizing the inner subconscious part of you that LOOOVEEEESSSSS this pattern of you staying safe (and small)
if it was easy, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT. But they don’t because not everyone is wired to work for themselves AND most people aren’t ready to face the shadow and inner child energy work that comes with entrepreneurship or putting your creative work out there.
(If you’re ready to face it with both energetic support and business know how, it’s time to book a connection call to see if you’d be a good fit for heart forward 1:1 business coaching, link is in the description here. What is it costing you staying in the same place?
This is inspired from the book, Existential kink. There’s a quote from Carl Jung that really resonates here: Until you make the unconscious conscious it’ll rule your life and you’ll call it fate -Carl Jung
This is why you can do allll the affirmations and love and light/manifestation work and STILL it not come to physical reality. Not because you’re not doing it right, but because you’re and working with the shadowy programming bits and the kinky lil ego patterns in the subconscious.
Writing exercise:
I love rejecting myself before anyone else can- i love how it keeps me playing small so I can continue to feel like my dreams are never going to come to flurition. I LOVE being completely dommed by my ego and child wounds, YES MORE PLEASE
On the other side:
I am willing to risk my ego in order to play bigger. I am willing to face my childhood wounding patterns for the sake of my work in the world.
I am welcoming growth and the discomfort that comes with it. I recognize that failure means progress. I am willing to have a kinky sensual relationship with failure because I know it means i am growing.
From Ek about desires we say we want but get in the way of:
dear universe, I hate and resent having_________. I absolutely refuse to have__________ because I have deep fear that I __________.
There is something so beautiful about the release when your subconscious becomes conscious. Instead of trying to talk over that subconscious voice, integrate it, send LOVE TO IT. And then, shift it.
This practice right here is life changing. It turns your personal development fight into a samba
This is your permission slip to dance with your fear and meet it with kindness, grace; and a deep knowing that the failures are part of the growth process.
Mmmm- failure! Yes so juicy!! I must’ve tried something new, GO ME!