Episode 4: 8 Shifts to *Actually* Stick with Your Goals
Jenna Slaughter
Embodiment Coach, Speaker, Heart-Forward Business Coach
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the problems with perfectionism in goal setting
-we will never be perfect, ever.
--I've been very all or nothing
--I've started a bunch of things at the same time and then when one goes, they all fucking go too
-- I've struggled with the balance between resisting my humanness and holding too much space for my humanness and therefore not enough accountability.
That I "can't stick to anything" BECAUSE I WAS A HUMAN so then things became all or nothing instead of making bits of progress overtime.
So I was more often staying in the same place instead of making the progress I so badly wanted!
I've run into this in my relationship to food, my body and how much I'm moving it, I've run into this with my spiritual practices, my self-care, and especially my relationship with social media!
**1- understand and reflect on the beliefs that are driving your subconscious (perfectionism, people pleasing, our beliefs on the strength of the follow through muscle)
**
-what beliefs do I hold true about myself and my ability to make change in my life?
-What conditioning from other people is playing into my subconscious beliefs about my ability to make change in my life?
-What kind of grace do I give other people when they are doing something new and scary? Do I give myself the same amount of grace and understanding? why or why not?
-How is this goal/activity/pattern related to my greater vision? My purpose?
-How is perfectionism playing into my making change and taking up space?
-- not actually finishing and putting things out, having something take way longer than necessary just because of the amount of times you'll go through it. I.e. re-reading a post caption like 5 times before posting it
(hold space for your humanness and recognize that most people won't see or care about your spelling error) B- work that gets out into the world is better than A+ work that stays on your computer
-How is people pleasing playing into my making change and taking up space?
---- over-booking. Saying yes to things for other people when you had already said yes to yourself. *something I'm working on* treating my meetings, deadlines, and commitments with myself with the same reverence and commitment that I do for other people around me.
-----Saying yes to low paid or free labor that mean less time/energy for paid projects that would allow for scaling and growth over time.
**2-become aware how the ego brain works and is driving self-sabotaging behaviors**
Brain stuff- our ego brain only understands what is and what has been, and our subconscious is driven by everything that happened 0-7. So! When we are looking at a big deviation in our path,
if we are going to stop drinking after its consumed our life
if we are creating something like a podcast or a business,
if we are going to start creating boundaries and operating from our desires... this causes the ego to start blazing the alarm bells!
because the ego, only cares about its survival and that of your physical body. All of the trauma responses and coping mechanisms we have are because we used them to try and keep us safe!
**3-focus on the high-impact patterns, what would add the most life to your life? Create reasonable and specific behaviors "when this happens, I will_____" **
-Focus, focus on the things that will really "move the needle". We get limited conscious bandwidth and dividing it among 5 new habits at a time can set yourself up for failure. We can get overwhelmed as well if in a project we get too stuck on all the details and lose sight of what's really important and necessary.
**4- Connect your actions with your greater vision and purpose**
**5-Make space for easy wins to break old beliefs that you can't stick with anything by using slacky goals **
-slacky goals- opposite of stretch goals. Half ass is better than no ass. Make it something you can absolutely do with a bit of consciousness in it. The goal is to give yourself easy wins here. Easy wins breaks the script that you can't stick with anything or that your brain is just wired to be this way forever.
-red, yellow, green goals
**6-Create a failure plan and walk through it as an opportunity for self-compassion and forgiveness. We are hoping for resilient long term life changes here and those won't come from shame, blame and guilt**
- not if a WHEN. and when you do, raking yourself over the coals about it isn't going to get you to do your nighttime routine. an opportunity for self compassion will tho!
---- in fact, choosing to shame and blame yourself instead of use self-compassion is a self-sabotaging behavior.
**7-Aim to improve your habits (by say 1, 10, or 20 percent), rather than to eliminate all self-defeating behavior from your life.**
**8- Create reminders and visuals that interrupt the hum drum regular routine and remind you of what you're trying to do. Its not going to feel natural at first. and if you're neurodivergent you'll probably need a nudge to remember. its not that you don't care about it, its that there's a lot in your brain space you DO care about and needing a nudge isn't a sign of weakness. set that calendar reminder, baby **